• Quirk NLS

Breaking News: NLSIU and the CLAT Consortium Break up!

DISCLAIMER: The following article is a work of satire. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or actual events is purely coincidental, and is not to be taken as true.

 

NLSIU and the CLAT Consortium Break Up!

“This is worse than Brexit!!” says devastated shipper.

September 5, 2020 | Special Quirk Investigative Team

The day was September the 3rd, 2020. NLSIU and the CLAT Consortium (and their shippers, the CLAT-attempters) were at peace. While rumours had been swirling for some time about discord in paradise, all seemed to be well, and no one suspected otherwise. After all, a momentous occasion for the couple was coming up — September 28th, the date of the CLAT exam. Then, suddenly, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

In one swift move, NLSIU severed the ties of the NLSIU-CLAT Consortium relationship, to the abject horror of everyone involved. The sheer swiftness of the move! The sheer suddenness of the move! Bystanders could only stand and watch in shock, as the chaos unfurled right before their eyes. Quirk had the exclusive opportunity to dissect this very public breakup, for the benefit of the community. 

In the aftermath of NLSIU’s initial announcement, NLSIU seems to have taken to subtweeting its ex on social media.

Read along, as Quirk’s cutting-edge Investigative Journalism Team decodes NLSIU’s statements to Bar and Bench, and uncovers the story behind the shocking breakup:

On the other hand, the Consortium seems to be going through the stages of grief.

Denial:

Anger:

Bargaining:

Threatening:

The stages of depression and acceptance are yet to come.

Quirk tried to contact Consortium for a comment, but the call went to voicemail and our call guy seemed pretty sure he could hear a remixed version of Never Gonna Give You Up and You’ll Be Back as the caller tune.

As with any breakup, the shippers have frantically started to take sides. One commented to us — “friendship ended with NLSIU. Now NALSAR is my best friend”. Another was on NLSIU’s side, praising them for keeping up with the spirit of Aatmanirbhar. Another shipper, a Jharkhand resident, sought to attempt to patch things up with the warring exes. Said resident was too upset to provide us with a comment without immediately bursting into tears. 

A source close to the parties has revealed to us that rumour has it that NLSIU might have been cheating on Consortium since August 6th. The question remains though, how faithful will NLSIU be to NLAT? Is this a one time fling or something more? Only time will tell… XOXO

 

Students of NLSIU are trying to help NLAT takers who are facing difficulties with access to desktops/laptops/internet. Please email laptopsfornlat@gmail.com with your problem and address if you are in need of assistance, or if you are willing to lend your laptop for this purpose.

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